back to school.

ugh. first day back to class after a glorious spring break... and human ecology of all classes. why oh why i decided to sign myself up for this one, i have no idea. well, i guess i actually do, but the fact that regency campus has free parking is really losing its luster. i didn't realize that this was a 100-level class when i clicked the link that's led to me an ever-oozing source of frustration. i try not to regret my decision, but let's get serious... some things are simply mistakes. i suppose i will do my best to look on the bright side now that i've vented, though. surely if i open my eyes i will eventually see the reasoning behind such a travesty. here's to hope coupled with a multitude of willpower!

spring break definitely had me spoiled. i didn't so much as think about assignments or anything school-related. as a result, i will now have to spend the week frantically throwing everything together at the last minute. at least the test i was scheduled to have in ecology on wednesday has been postponed. i can breathe a sigh of relief and focus on my ekphrastic poetry assignment.

i've honestly been feeling so restless lately, as i'm sure everyone else has. spring has sprung, but thanks to the wonderfully unpredictable weather of kentucky, it has bounced right back into hibernation. can it please just be short-sleeve weather already? i feel like an animal in a cage. it's got me locked up inside my head, rustling ideas around and questioning and re-questioning decisions i thought i had already made. tonight i even entertained the idea of practicing vegetarianism for a time as a sort of body cleanse. my heart's desire is a healthy diet and i can't really motivate myself any other way.

i've been taking my body forgranted, that i know for sure. i'm loading it with all this junk and expecting to run at maximum capacity. the truth is, i'm perpetually exhausted, constantly dehydrated, and running on filthy fuels like sugar and carbohydrates. and i am nursing a baby, for goodness sake! i've realized that if i want to feel my best again i will have to drastically alter my diet. i don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. i don't eat ONLY unhealthy, terrible things. in fact, rarely do i eat fast food anymore, it's just the junk i consume on top of my healthy food that is weighing me down. and the dreaded caffeine. that i must give up, and soon. i'm becoming hopelessly addicted and it has to end.

gosh, i've been kind of complaining a lot lately, haven't i? sorry to rant yet again... let me talk about something so sweet and wonderful it can make anyone shut up and smile... jude! he has been hilarious today. he hasn't been sleeping very soundly for the past week or more, so of course i have been pretty tired. well last night we tried out the crib again and by 12:30 he was awake and standing up in his crib whining at me. i wake up out of a dead sleep and drag him in bed with us. i've changed my attitude about both the crib-sleeping and the co-sleeping. i still don't mind the co-sleeping so much because i don't think it is spoiling him, now what bothers me is trying to fit the three of us in a queen-sized bed. he has to sleep smack dab in the middle of zach and i, too, because now he is likely to roll or scoot himself into the floor otherwise. so that's got me worried and i sleep just as fitfully as he does worrying about it. nonetheless, when it comes to crib-sleeping, i am not as determined as i was to make the switch a permanent one. i see now that jude is comforted by being in the bed with mom and dad. he nurses more at night now than he has since he was very small. and it's ok with me. our time for nursing is drawing to a close and i am trying to enjoy the bonding while it continues, even if it's at 3:55am. i'm also not being selfish and keeping him in our bed every night just to satisfy my need to cuddle close to him. i want to do this every night, but i know that if co-sleeping becomes about my dependency on him, then it's allllll over. he'll be sleeping with us until he's a teenager, lol. so i am just taking it literally hour by hour, day by day, trying to help him see the crib is a nice place to be even if it isn't quite as nice as mom and dad's bed. so, i laugh now when i look up and see his little silhouette against the window, standing and leaning over the rails with one arm outstretched for me. (that's a new thing, and my new favorite thing) i don't let myself get discouraged, instead i might just let him stay in our bed all night or if i am up for the challenge of a possible wake-up, i place him gently back down in his crib. i feel like he is safer there, and i feel like this independence thing is something we can work on slowly.

this particular morning when i woke up to jude rolling around restlessly until he woke himself up, i decided to try out the independence. i whisked him over to his crib, laid him down, and laid back down myself. he lay and watched his mobile for a bit before getting bored and whining to get back in the bed with me. instead of giving in, i put some toys in his crib with him, hoping he would play himself back to sleep. no go. finally i got him out, changed him, had him nursed nearly back to sleep... and bam! it was like someone had given him a shot of espresso. oh well. so we got up and went to get some breakfast. there goes my sleeping-in after a long night with a roly-poly. but jude, for whatever reason, was quite the humorous little angel. he practiced some pretty cute new sounds, wreaked havoc on the living room, pulled at every cord attached to the computer, and also actually crawled (real crawling!) a lot. i took some video that i need to post of him making motorboating sounds, dancing (yes, he dances now!), and pulling up on some things. he was in a pretty good mood until i gave him some motrin. i only gave it to him because sometime during the course of the morning his foot started bleeding again and he was acting like he might be in some pain. but i've found the motrin makes him tired and so inbetween distractions he is rubbing his eyes and acting a little cranky. and then unfortunately i had to leave him for class, so i barely got to spend time comforting him and making sure his little bleeding heel was ok. :(

we did have a fun morning though, and a really fun smorgasbord of a lunch. honeydew melon bits, egg yolk, and blueberries. he even managed to get a couple of bites of honeydew to his mouth on his own! yay jude! here are a few pictures of today...
i can't imagine still trying to carry him around in this, lol.


he thought nana's hair looked quite strange in that plastic bag...

and he and poppy watched just a tiny bit of tv before naptime...


i am altogether too exhausted to add anything else. goodnight!