16&pregnant.

oh, MTV. how you take a would-be educational reality show and completely corrupt it.
quote of the night: "momma feels ugly. you made me fat."
are sixteen year olds really capable parents? this teen mother seems to be "normal" for the most part, but how many sixteen year olds are unselfish and equipped to deal with the responsibilities of having a child, let alone having a child at such an unstable age. adolescence is a stage in life (that is proven by psychological research) where the brain is still not fully developed. adding to that is the factor that in the US, societal norms are not what they used to be. these sixteen year olds haven't been working hard their whole lives, especially not in the sense our great-grandparents did. my great-grandmother was married and bearing children by the age of fourteen. she successfully raised four babies, was married until her husband died, and skillfully accumulated wealth in the process. she was brought up in a time where this was the "american dream." don't get me wrong, although i can appreciate the simplicity and determinedness of my great-grandmother's story, i am not really one for anyone's "american dream." i know full well that despite the problems we face in today's society that i would not trade them in terms of setting back issues like civil rights, women's suffrage, or the pressing issue of gay marriage. i am proud to live in a time of emerging universal acceptance, but i do wish there was some way to incorporate the values of our past generations while keeping with the present. i would love to keep my doors unlocked and not have to worry about a child molester lurking around my street. these days when young teen girls are giving birth, statistics are against them and their offspring. and when watching MTV's 16&pregnant, so am i. it's tough to remember back nine years ago with any relevance. was i really that moronic? that immature? that overtly selfish? yes. as we all were to some degree. so what on earth would life have been like for jude? i still feel that, like tonight's MTV mom, something would have clicked in my brain that instantaneously bonded me to him, but as far as having to deal with the gossip and disapproving looks all while trying to just grow up! well, that's another story. i am sure i wouldn't be breastfeeding. i would have been much more concerned with starving myself to stay skinny (probably even during the pregnancy) than trying to eat healthy in order to provide milk for my child. and who says i would even have the time to worry about it while trying to finish high school. would my teachers have let me out of class at specific times to pump? would i be resourceful enough to have thought of where i would store the milk? how embarrassed would i have been as a sixteen year old girl who most likely just wanted to fit in? i really feel for these girls. motherhood is no walk in the park. it encompasses up and down emotions, personal battles, struggles against yourself, questions, guesses and second-guesses, and a whole variety of issues not even related to your baby. there is a lot to deal with. but i suppose what i am trying to say is that MTV is doing sixteen year olds everywhere a disservice by broadcasting such a show. that part of your brain that isn't fully developed at that age isn't part of your intellect. it's part of your common sense. the reason these kids are getting pregnant in the first place is because of an innate "it won't happen to me" mentality. these young teens believe themselves to be invincible. they walk around with a false sense of invincibility and a lack of experience. not one of these teen moms has said that they would have chosen this after their baby was born. sure, while pregnant, many had those moments of excitement and anticipation of enjoying their babies, but when it boiled down to it every single one has said that they "just want to be a teenager." what MTV is doing in adding this show to their primetime line-up is glamorizing teen pregnancy, making a complete joke out of it. of course these young moms are dealing with pressing emotional issues and crying their eyes out while they talk about how they didn't use birth control, but the inexperienced kids sitting at home viewing this are laughing out loud! they are thinking to themselves, "this won't happen to me" or "my boyfriend loves me more than that" or any number of things along those lines. i feel so sad for them all and so sorry that if something like that were to happen to them, that they would miss out on their childhood. i know that at an age of 24, i myself was ill-equipped to deal with such a great responsibility. i cannot imagine having had to do it at sixteen. so, what we need to be doing, MTV, is a "True Life: I'm 16&pregnant" showing these kids how much labor and birthing HURTS and following the new parents around for 24 hours to not just talk about how little sleep they get and the repercussions of that but to actually SHOW how busy they are. or maybe we shouldn't show it at all. who knows. for those of us that get pregnant "on accident" life is bound to be difficult. for those of us that get pregnant on purpose, life is also bound to be difficult. maybe we should, as parents, educate our children about this at home so that they don't have to glean the misguided information from MTV. maybe that wouldn't make a bit of difference. who really knows. all we can do is our very best, holding ourselves to high standards for the precious little gifts we've each received and put them first. we brought them into this world and now we should do our best to help them navigate it, no matter what age we are.



and now that i'm done ranting (sorry guys, really, i just couldn't stop the negative ramble) i will share some happiness and joy!

first attempt at finger food!




as you can see, jude is clearly not ready for such a feat. he still has yet to master the motor skill of pinching in order to pick up bites of food. but, as this was the first time i let him try and feed himself, i expect it will take much more practice. he certainly knew that the food tasted good (it was bananas) and that if he put his hands in his mouth they were surprisingly delicious, but i am not sure if he simply wasn't very hungry or if he didn't understand that he was being giving the opportunity to feed himself. he's used to me being a constant source of food from breastfeeding and spoonfeeding alike. we'll see how the next few tries go. anyway, belle was nice enough to help him clean up...


and did i mention he's been pulling up on EVERYTHING? this morning at 6am i had to lower his crib for fear that he was going to topple right out face first, and the entire day has been filled with my trying to get all my homework done while plucking him off of the edge of the couch, his toy basket, the stairs, a guitar case, etc etc etc. there have been a few catastrophic falls (or at least jude thought they were catastrophic) that brought real tears, but for the most part he's getting pretty good. after following him around like a mother hen i've decided that at least once a day i need to let him work out on his own that if he lets go he is going to get hurt. i've rescued him so many times that i am beginning to worry that he will always depend on me to catch him and thus never learn. it sucks to see him get hurt, and i really do try and prevent it, but i know that i have to let him learn cause and effect for himself.
here are the only photos i was able to capture of his adventures mainly due to the fact that i was terrified to leave him in his predicaments in order to retrieve the camera.


and this is usually how he ends up falling...


so, reach for the stars, baby jude, just don't forget that even stars are destined to crash and burn.