back to school.

it seems to have taken me a little longer than i thought to finish that last update. so, i'll just write about whatever i can think of...

jude turned six months old on january 7th. his six months check up was the following monday, and he had to get three stinky, dumb shots. i hate his vaccination days. it never bothers him for more than 10 minutes, but i hate it. anyway, he weighed in at a whopping 22lbs & 9oz and measured 29inches. he's been in size 4 diapers for probably a month, as well as 12-18 month clothes. i hope that the growing starts to slow down a bit because he got a whole new wardrobe of clothes in that size for xmas and i'd like him to wear them for awhile. not to mention i realized that with each diaper size increase, there is less in the boxes. i don't suppose he uses as many as when he was say, a size 2, but nonetheless...

and along with his growing body comes a growing brain. he gets more intelligent and understanding everyday. the looks he gives throughout the day are hilarious. some things he can't quite figure out and so he knits his furry little brows together and then looks to me, then back at the source of his perplexion, then back at me, etc. he also holds objects out in front of him and turns them over and over, passing them from hand to hand, in order to get a closer look. he does this with his own hands a lot, which i think is quite funny. and he's finally gotten a little taste of his feet. he got one in his mouth while i was bicycling his legs in the tub and then every now and again during a diaper change.

speaking of which, i am no longer concerned with his constipation. he went about 4 days without a bowel movement and of course i called the doctor who told me it was perfectly normal. they advised me to switch him from rice, so now he is a barley cereal boy. it's a bit more grainy than the rice, but he seems to like it. and now that i've got the recipe down for that as well i don't even have to thin it out with milk. i am having such a great time learning how to cook... even if it is only simple purees and baby cereal. everyone has to start somewhere! i'm becoming so nutrition-savvy as well. i'm trying to step out of the box where his fruits and veggies are concerned. so far i've steamed and pureed green and red pears, mango, avocado, banana, yellow squash, and beets (that i admittedly mistook for parsnips until my hands were purple at the end of the disaster). waiting in the wings are some actual parsnips, carrots, a sweet potato, and an acorn squash. i've tried to be good about the 3 day rule, so all he has actually eaten have been the pears, mango, banana, and squash. i will say i've given him tiny tastes of everything but only hoping that such a small amount wouldn't spark any allergies. either way, he's shown no signs of harm! to help with my endeavor as a baby chef, mom ordered me a baby steamer/pureer and some freezer containers. i have been using my breastmilk freezer bags and if i keep that up it will end up being just as expensive as buying the store bought baby food.

aside from this, things have continued pretty much as they were since my last post. he's still only rocking on his knees, no crawling yet. he can still sit up for quite a long time by himself. he is still cramming everything into his mouth... and this has actually been better since he's started taking a pacifier regularly for the past three or four weeks. it's much easier on my conscience that he isn't licking the floors. i'll deal with the pacifier habit when we reach that point.

being a parent is insane. it's one decision after another. sure, we all turned out alright (in our own warped way) but things have changed so much since our parents raised us and their parents raised them. and medical opinion is constantly changing, so what/who do you trust? everyone has their ideas and everyone has their two cents to add, but it ultimately boils down to you, the parent. if i choose to let my child do this or that how is it going to affect him when he's 5, 15, 50??? so i try not to think about the implications of my decisions too much, and go with my gut or what seems the most right. i guess we just wait and see how it all turns out...

jabberwocky.

so it seems that just over two months ago i entitled a blog "chatterbox." what was i thinking? obviously i am a first time mom, because here i sit just eight short weeks later... with a real reason to entitle a blog "chatterbox." so, since i've used that one up, here i will begin what i've not so creatively titled "jabberwocky."


just within the past week has my strong, silent type turned into a jabbering monkey. he had been gnawing on anything within arm's reach and suddenly decided that the gnawing was much more fun while trying to talk. sure, i'd been noticing him putting vowel-consenant sounds together a LITTLE, but boy oh boy! he has really figured it out! he moves his mouth in so many ways now and i can actually see the comprehension when he is watching the way my mouth moves when i am talking to him. it's insane how different my boy is these days! i keep expecting to hear the ma-ma-ma or da-da-da sounds that i've been dying for. but seriously, the little jabberwocky is adorable. he talks, he plays, he scoots, and he just does so much more than he did six months ago... go figure! and six months has flown by!

he started cereal about a week and a half ago as well. that has been fun. much more work for me, but fun nonetheless. i decided at some point several months to go au naturale with mr.jude. so he is only breastfed, a co-sleeper, a sometimes slinger, and an organic, homemade food eater who waited nearly the full six months before his first bite. my doc (OBGYN) and jude's doc both talked to me in depth about the benefits of waiting and also doing the homemade thing. they both warned me full well about the dangers of starting solids too early and i'm glad i listened. it's not a method for every mom nor a path for every baby, but it totally worked for us. and i'm not so rigid that i waited until six months to the day (or later) for the cereal thing. i just did a lot of research, trusted my gut, and listened to jude. originally i had decided to start feeding him on christmas day, so that zachary could be a part of it, but of course things planned with babies never work out. but i did wait until a morning that zach was home from work to feed our little one for the first time. the morning time is ideally the best time to introduce new foods in case of allergic reactions to ensure that your ped's office will be open for just such an occasion. but luckily, there was no need of that for jude, though he did make terrible faces and act as though i was torturing him by feeding him on that initial day. but since then he has adapted nicely to the new texture and i have perfected my recipe and portion size for his rice cereal. i will say the rice has constipated him somewhat (not uncomfortably) and so i have added 1/2TBSP of organic pears to his morning ceral and 1TBSP of pears alone in the evening. it seems to have helped although he hasn't been going every day and so i guess it's one of those lovely TMI questions i will bring up with my pediatrician. but if there is one definite thing that has changed about me since i have become a parent, it is that nothing seems like TMI (too much information) to me nowadays. i call my mom to talk about jude's puke, poop, penis... everything. my friend elijah made the comment that he wished he could be a baby because all you have to do is survive and you are incredibly impressive. "oh look he's pooping, eating, smiling, etc... how special and wonderful!" lol. i guess it's totally true.

speaking of impressive, i have a super scooter on my hands these days also. he slides backward all over the hardwood floors like a pro. he can turn himself all the way around with his hands, too. on not-so-slippery surfaces he can get onto his knees and hold his position or rock back and forth for up to a minute before tiring or getting bored. it's astounding really. three and a half weeks ago he couldn't do that! i am so stoked to see this boy crawl. (though i do kind of dread having to chase him.)

mr.jude has also learned to sit unassisted. this was one of the clues that he was ready for solid food. just a couple weeks ago he could barely sit alone for a few seconds before tipping over, now he can sit for several minutes (or until he decides whatever is in front of him is no longer as interesting as what is beside him) but he still prefers to be on his tummy and moving around.

and since he's been much more easily entertained and self-entertaining, he is getting a little easier to travel with. today i took him with me to register for class and it wasn't all that much trouble. sort of. haha. no, he was great. very sweet, quiet, and clingy. he rarely makes a fuss these days (not that he ever really has) and is an absolute peach in public. he seriously just quietly clung to my shoulder and observed everything today until engaged by my advisor to whom he actually opened up to a little and even said a few ooo-glee-blahs.

i am just convinced that i have the best baby ever. especially lately. last month he went through a hard to get to sleep phase off and on and i sometimes have struggled to get him to nurse at night (hence the bottles at night for the past few months) and that kind of thing, but lately all of that has disappeared. he went through a week or so of teething discomfort recently, but since that has worn off for the time being, he is an angel. he goes to bed between 9-10:30 most nights now by nursing and then simply laying beside me with his pacifier. sometimes i have to rock him in my arms for a couple of minutes, but it's that easy really. i have noticed that he night-wakes or cat naps when no one is in the bed with him or at least close at hand, but i think that is a personality trait instead of a bad habit. and honestly why wouldn't i want to lay in bed next to that sweet boy for hours while he sleeps? it works for me, because when he is in another room sleeping, i am in and out of that room at least every 3 minutes. (worry wart, right here. admitted.) but anyway, so goes to sleep like a dream and then he sleeps until about 6ish when he nurses and goes back to sleep, wakes up around 9ish to nurse again and then usually goes back down until 11. i get to sleep in! it's lovely. he is totally his mother's child. and he never cries when he wakes up. he just starts talking, or either lays there silently and reaches out and touches my face. !!! i know, right? howwwww cute. i just love him!

i will admit that he is a whiner. a total and complete whiny-baby. he makes this cute little puppy sounding whine. and mostly during the evening or when he is hungry/tired. but it's hardly annoying, more endearing. he only cries when he is overly tired at night, sometimes when he night-wakes, or if he smashes his nose on the quilt or a toy. he got his first bruise last week! and it was all my fault. i felt like total crap about it and probably would have cried had i not been around so many people. we were at zach's cousin lauren's house visiting (she has a son, noah, who is just 19 days younger than jude) and i had him sitting in front of me and i turned to get a bib and he tipped over and hit his head on a cabinet. of course i was mortified, but he didn't even cry. i scooped him up and held him for a long time. did i mention that i felt really bad? ugh. it was the worst. and then a couple days ago mom was playing with him on his quilt and i was sitting on the couch next to them watching a movie and she had him sitting up and i guess we both got distracted by the movie but he definitely fell backwards and bonked his head on the floor. and cried. i immediately jumped up and swooped him up and talked gently and reassuringly to him (which usually works to calm him down) and he would stop cryingm think about it, and then start bawling again. it was really sad. again, i felt like the worst mom ever for not watching him. but i guess i do learn from these accidents. anyway, it still sucks...

what else? hmm... i don't know. it's 11:30 and i am utterly exhausted. i will write more later :)

reverse inchworm.

so i now have a baby who scoots all over the place! two weeks ago mom and i took him on a trip to gatlinburg and before we left he could barely raise hiw lower belly off of the floor. by the time we came back, he could push up onto his knees for about a second, in effect doing a reverse inchworm movement. and now, he can hold himself on his knees for quite awhile before throwing himself down in frustration. beds and couches are no longer a safe place to lay him down for more than 30 seconds. if i take my eyes off of him for a second, he has rolled over to his tummy and immediately starts scooting backward. i don't think he means to... in fact, it seems he would much prefer to move forward toward what he can see, but he is learning. he now rolls back over to his back when he gets too far from what he wants to grab. not that this helps much, but it's funny to see his little brain working out different means of transportation. but he isn't one of those constantly rolling babies as of yet. he likes to be on his belly so that he can reach out and grab his toys and pull them into his mouth. i'm sure laying on your back for most of five months got boring. now he has a new perspective and some new means of exploration. and he is quite the explorer.

he likes different textures, feeling and subsequently tasting anything he finds interesting. the xmas tree didn't taste great... and yet he is still reaching out for anything and everything. he adores faces. he is like a little blind boy touching and prodding and pulling on people's faces as a way of greeting them. and rarely does he meet a stranger. he always looks around for me, to make sure it is safe, and then goes right on with his business. and i am trying to give a little in the germaphobe department. i don't let strangers hold him, and i cringe and immediately wipe him down after a close encounter, but i have been letting him put his toys on the tables at restaurants sometimes. the worst thing now is that he is touching everyone's faces and MOUTHS which drives me nuts. especially when they let him put his hands in their mouths. yuck. there is such a multitude of bacteria in the human mouth, that i would almost rather a dog lick him! but i'm not as quick to wash him off as i used to be, and i find it a little easier to tell people what i don't like when it comes to things like that. no fingers or hands in his mouth (except occasionally mine) and no letting him put his fingers in your mouth. those are my only stipulations. everything else i just clean when i feel the need and i usually wipe his hands off frequently no matter what. but as for toys dropped, and things of that nature, i am more relaxed.

and i have been trying to mix his routine up just a bit, so that he doesn't always have to be home to nap and so that i can have somewhat of a social life. i've taken him to walmart a few times, to the mall a bit, and to visit some friends and family. most of this has mainly been due to the holidays, and i'm glad to settle back into our homebody lifestyle, but still if i need to run errands now i don't hesitate. the bigger, more comfortable carseat makes this much easier, and i feel better about driving 45 minutes with him being able to sit up in it and play with toys. he still isn't crzy about travelling, but at least he is better about sleeping in the carseat. the only downfall is that when he poops while in the carseat, it ALWAYS ends up out of the diaper. i suppose it is the way he is sitting, but it sucks. and when he is on long trips and has to have a bottle, it never fails to happen. i will say i've gotten more comfortable with packing his things and now know usually what i will need, but it is still a hassle if we are going to be gone for long.

let's see... what else? well, for starters, he screams now. long, loud, and piercing. and not because he is mad or anything, moreso just to hear his own loudness. he chuckles from time to time, but i've noticed most of his laughter is silent. he gets a huge, open-mouthed grin going and squeals intermittently, but you can tell the giggles would otherwise be flowing out of him. it's precious. he has the funniest little sense of humor. he chuckles when i stick my tongue out at him, make funny faces, and loves some of my crazy noises. bouncing him or throwing him up in the air usually makes him extremely excited and sometimes he will scream with delight or give me a resounding "HA". he really loves bathtime still, and squirms away from me to get into the water. and he likes mom's dog, belle, always smiling when he notices her. likewise, any moving toy or noisy toy absolutely cracks him up. he thoroughly enjoyed opening xmas presents, even though he only pulled the paper so that he could try to eat it. he was quite overwhelmed by the whole ordeal. he couldn't understand why we were all awake so early and being so chipper. he is used to lounging in bed with mommy until we decide to get up and then being greeted by people as they come and go. but for once his whole little family was there, uncle and all to shower him with attention and kisses. it was such a fun day. and he is such a spoiled boy.

oh, and he had his first cereal yesterday morning. xmas was too busy, and so i waited until his daddy could be home with us yesterday morning. nana and poppy "ooo-ed" and "ahh-ed" appropriately and cracked jokes when he made some pretty awful faces. he was not a fan AT ALL! he shivered away from it after a couple of bites and just kept spitting it out. he wanted the brightly colored spoon, of course, but nothing to do with that pasty, drippy crap on it. i must say i was a little discouraged, but i tried it in his bottle that night and he was fine and then this morning he ate like a pro. it was super cute. i can't wait to start fruits and veggies! i am making his cereal from organically grown rice, and will be continuing with organic fruits next, followed by organic veggies. it's so simple to make the cereal, and actually cheaper, that i wouldn't do it any other way! plus i have plenty of time to dedicate to my sweet boy and it just makes me feel good to be able to do this for him.

i am not looking forward to the upcoming semester. i hate it when i can't revolve my day around my little henryjude. everything is just happening so quickly now that i hate to miss a second!

roly-poly.

so i totally missed it! twice! tonight, while i was in lexington taking my psych final & then having dinner with a friend, jude accomplished the feat of rolling from his back to his belly. and then yesterday, when i stepped outside for FIVE MINUTES and left him in the supervison of my step-dad, he rolled from his belly to his back. true, the very first time jude rolled from his belly to his back on the floor, i was there. but that's been two months ago or more. and since then, he hasn't done it much. until a few days ago he preferred to stay put, knowing someone would roll him over or pick him up if he wanted a change of scenery. realizing this, my mother and i set to the task of inspiring him to roll himself over more frequently. until now, his attention span has been so short that he only wanted to have tummy time for about 5 minutes at a time before getting fussy.
however, over the course of the past week or so, something about my little jude has changed drastically. his attention span has slowly been lengthening. he is much more observant and understanding of the world around him, and most importantly, he is much more INTERESTED in everything. i remember a couple of months ago when he first started to realize that he could interact physically with the world around him. for the first time, he began to reach out for toys when they were put in front of him. and even before then, he began to grasp things when placed in his hands. eventually he started putting things in his mouth, and this oral exploration has led to his manipulation of objects in order to actually learn his capabilities. just last week, he was grabbing at my hand in attempt to put it in his mouth (which i, of course, don't allow him to do haha) and so i was holding my hand spread out so that when he tried to bring it to his mouth i was essentially palming his face instead. well, after a couple of tries, he figured out what was going on, pushed my hand out so that he could see it, choosing instead to grab two of my fingers and bend them so that he could fit them in his mouth! i pulled my hand away before he got the chance, but i was astounded at this learning behavior! before, he would have gotten bored after he was unable to get my hands in his mouth after the first few tries and then moved on to something else, but now he is actually learning to manipulate things to achieve a specific result. he does this with toys, washcloths, etc. holding them out in front of his face, studying them, and turning them this way and that in order to figure out the possibilities. it's so awesome.
and, in my opinion, it is precisely this behavior that has brought on the ability to roll in both directions. not only has he been learning how to manipulate objects handed to him or put directly in his line of vision, he is beginning to reach for objects that aren't very close to him. i assume this is due to his developing depth perception. as he is being carried around, if i linger for any length of time, he will begin reaching out for whatever is near. light switches, christmas garland on the staircase, books, the camera, etc. he also likes to grab at anything i am carrying, whether it be an armload of laundry, a dirty diaper, or even a glass of milk. he has thwarted my milk-drinking on many occasions, nearly causing me to spill glassfuls at very inopportune times. (and for those of you who don't know me, i say milk because 90% of the time, that's what i'm drinking)and as inconvenient as this all is, i must admit it's exciting as well as endearing.
what's more, for the past couple of weeks he has been discovering his feet. it began with him glimpsing them at bath time and during diaper chnages and has progressed as he has been bringing his legs up more and more. it seemed for awhile that a tubby belly was preventing him from bringing them high enough to grab, but low and behold this week he has started getting ahold of the little devils. next stop, his mouth, i'm sure. i'm just glad he's not too fat to do this, i was getting worried! lol!
so, all in all, we've seen some big changes this week. jude now loves tummy time and is extremely content to just lay in the floor on his blanket on both his belly and his back. he will play by himself for longer periods of time, though i still prefer to interact with him and talk about his toys and what he is doing as he begins to understand more. his little sense of humor is also developing as he now squeals in delight more often and gives me big, gummy grins more than ever. he has perfected his raspberry, preferring to put as much spit as possible behind it, and doing this all the time. he is too quickly becoming a mover and a shaker, learning more and more each day.

and all the while, mommy is learning more about her baby boy! i can pretty much decipher every cry, knowing if it is the need to burp, the desire to get up and walk around, frustration over an out of reach toy, or just wanting to be held close. it really gives me a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of intimate connectedness with my henry jude. sometimes when i'm cradling him in my arms, he simply looks up and coos, which i know is his version of "i love you, mommy" and it just melts my heart. it's such a soft, sweet sound, different from any other tone or pitch he uses, and unique to me. he has one for his daddy, too, i've noticed. and i just love it. i swear i never knew how amazing this parenting thing could be. even perpetually covered in spit up and smelling like poopy diapers, he is the single, sweetest thing in my life. i love my son more than the whole world.

and really quick, i just want to make note of our daily routine and his sleeping and eating habits so that i don't forget one day... right now he is sleeping through the night, going to bed a little later, and waking up usually once before going down for good. bathtime is still between 8 and 8:30, but is now followed by playtime if he isn't starving and then he usually has a bottle or nurses around 9-9:30. sometimes he goes right down, only to wake up thirty minutes later, and other times he fights to death before finally giving up and falling asleep after being walked and wrestled for about twenty minutes. then he may still wake up within thirty minutes, but usually goes back to sleep pretty quickly. he will sleep until sometime between 5 and 7am, nurse, and then either go right back to sleep or lay in bed with me until he falls back asleep. if he woke up around 5 or 6, then he will generally wake up a couple hours later to nurse again and fall right back asleep for two to three more hours, and then sometimes will wake up again, nurse, and sleep for another hour. if he didn't wake up until around 7 then most of the time he is harder to get back to sleep and sometimes i bring his playmat on the bed and let him play himself to sleep. two hours or so will go by, then he will wake up and nurse again and usually wants to get up and go play at this point. (all of these situations include about 4 diaper changes and his usual morning poop, haha)
after he's up for the morning, he likes to talk and play for anywhere from an hour to three hours before settling down for a mid-morning nap. we haven't been getting up until about 9:30 or 10 for a few weeks, so it's been a nice change from the 8am mornings. he doesn't nap as long as he did when we were getting up earlier, so he is usually back up and ready to play for a long time. by the afternoon, we have talked, tickled, played with stuffed animals, played on the playmats, had tummy time on the quilt, played in the exersaucer, walked around, done some chores, and sometimes read a few pages of alice in wonderland. he is a busy boy. he sometimes takes an afternoon nap before doing all these things over again, and sometimes waits to take an evening nap. he is still nursing about every two hours, but this has been fluctuating and he has recently started nursing more often and for longer periods, so i think he is going through a growth spurt. his four month check up he was 28inches long and last week he was already 29 inches. he seems to have maybe slimmed down a little but i think he looks slimmer because he is getting taller. i'm not sure. i'd love to have a digital baby scale, because it always seems like our scale here weighs heavier than the doctor's. but either way, he is still a big boy, rapidly outgrowing his clothes. he is still in size 3 diapers and wears 6-12 month clothes, 9 or 12 month sleepers, amd a few 12-18 month things. not sure about shoe size, because everytime we try to put shoes on him he curls his toes so they won't stay on or even really go on in the first place. if i had to guess, i would say a size 2 or 3. bathtime is still his favorite, he is still selective about his laughs, and he is getting more and more skilled at sitting up without tipping over. when he is propped against something, he can sit unaided, but usually leans forward for his feet or a toy and then topples over. however, just in the past week i can tell a difference in his posture and strength. it's amazing how it all happens!
hopefully i will be updating again soon!

new blog.

i started a new blog. i intend on writing in it as much as possible. i think i'd like to publish it one day.
http://judeseyeview.blogspot.com

november, the fourth month.

has it really almost been four weeks since i've updated?! it seems like i always mean to sit down and write about all the new happenings and then somehow get sidetracked and forget. motherhood, i suppose... always something to be done. and when he's napping, i've either fallen asleep with him in my arms or i'm scrambling to do a load of laundry or else trying to catch up on homework. i recall fondly a time two months ago when i actually read during my leisure time. but now with school added to the mix, i forget what "me" time is. on the bright side though, there is the occasional night when i've decided to put homework on hold that mom will keep jude so that zachary and i can catch a movie or go to dinner. but honestly, i hate leaving the kiddo. my uncle swears it's a normal part of being a good mom, but i worry that i'm ruining jude and myself with my separation anxiety. nonetheless, i just keep telling myself he's only going to be this small and vulnerable once, and that things will change when he gets older. and honestly, i feel completely content even without all the time to myself. experiencing human development firsthand is way more interesting. and fun.

speaking of human development, the past three and a half weeks have really been something. jude is developing an amazing little personality as well as mastering some important brain and motor functions. his "vocabulary" has expanded drastically, most recently adding what i like to call his "asthmatic old man" sound (which sounds a lot like a raspy version of expelling all of the air from his lungs, lol) and an increasingly proficient raspberry, or wet razzing sound. the raspberry just amazed me entirely. for two days he practiced blowing air out of his lips before he realized that if he stuck out his tongue he could really use the saliva to his advantage in the noise-making arena. not to mention make a funny game out of spitting in mommy's face. on that note, he is learning to read my facial expressions with uncanny accuracy. the other night he was laying on my mom's bed and her dog, belle, was running around like crazy and happened to jump in the spot where he was laying... well of course i completely freak out (although she didn't actually even touch him, she jumped over him) and at first he was fine and then he looks up at my horrified expression and immediately begins to wail. and if i'm crying or upset, he never fails to have a worried expression on little face. likewise, if i'm happy or smiling he will completely stop crying 99% of time to smile back in return. i know i am so repetitive in my descriptive adjectives, but he is simply amazing!

just in the span of the last week i have seen such an incredible advancement in him. he now reaches out for me to be picked up (something i worked with him on for a couple of weeks so that he could at least communicate in another way besides crying) and even "hugs" me when i hold him in my arms. his upper body strength has reached a capacity that allows him much more mobility and the infantile "floppiness" is nearly gone. i can roll him around and from his back to his belly without worrying about his neck for the most part. and although he still prefers not to roll over, if i prop him on his side he will roll to whichever position he desires to be in. instead of rolling over he has instead adopted the cutest technique of arching his back while craning his neck in order to look up behind him. it makes crib naps tricky because whereas i was once able to lay him down and stand at the head of his crib to observe without being seen, i now have to rely solely on sneak attempts and hope he is looking the other way, haha.

all of these new muscular abilities make tummy time so much more fun as well. assuring he isn't hungry (in which case he mainly just tries to nurse whatever he is laying on) he will play for an extended period of time on his tummy now. before, he would get tired and frustrated and whine to be turned over or else just give up and lay his head down. now he will reach out and grab toys in close proximity, which he has really only started in the past couple of weeks. before he would reach toward them, but seemed to get off balance and was unable to really grab with much dexterity. and as for dexterity, that has progressed in leaps and bounds as well. he has mastered passing a toy from one hand to the other, along with grabbing objects and turning them over and over to inspect them (usually inspecting for the best possible side to chew on). but all this is only when he doesn't constantly keep those little hands in his mouth, which is even more than before. his lack of teeth must really be killing him because although he doesn't cry about it, he certainly slobbers profusely and chews his fingers so hard and so voraciously i'm sometimes afraid he might hurt them. but he never does, and if even i hear an unpleasant popping sound of finger against gums, he never bats an eye.

another neat thing is has been doing is mimicking. he's been able to for over a month, but he was much more selective with who and what he mimicked. there were a couple of oooohhhs and ewwwws he prefered but now he's started to mimick sticking out his tongue, blowing raspberries, as well as continuing with the coos and smiles in turn. his favorite right now like i said before is the raspberry, and he in fact goes to sleep at night making that sound and wakes me up making that sound. he's very proud of his new accomplishment and seems to consider it a proficient form of communication for "hello, look at me." perhaps my most favorite new "trick" is his laughter. he is extremely selective with it, really making you earn a laugh and even then only when he is in the mood. so far he's laughed for mom while she was playing with him and tickling him, laughed at me chasing the dog around and being chased in return, and laughed for zach while in the bathtub. and it's almost always been close to bedtime when it's happened. he definitely squeals in delight and gives a good, hearty "hah" all during the day, but it seems he saves his peals of laughter for his favorite time of day.

in all honesty, he is a little shy. i don't discourage this yet, as i see it as an intrical part of his developing personality, but if it comes with any sort of anxiety, i will have to work with him on it. he prefers to stay home with just a couple of people around (he always needs a small audience) and likes to be talked to quite a bit. when i take him to a strange place he reacts by clamming up, grinning only when provoked, and just generally going inside his little cancerean shell. but usually the moment i have him in my arms he turns back into his little outgoing self. it's so funny to observe this change in him. i know that this behavior in some form will carry on into adulthood for him, as it does with the majority of july-borns. but i think a lot of it right now is just his desire to be at home in a comfortable environment. which suits me just fine. i never forget how many fans he has out there and how tremendous his family's love is for him, but i also hope that everyone (my friends included) know how hard it is to pack him up and hit the road.

if mom and i aspire to take him to even lexington (which is just 30 minutes from her house), it takes the better part of an hour or more just to pack up his essentials. and then you get him in the carseat only to find he has wet his diaper. so by the time he's taken out, changed, then probably thrown up on his clothes from being jostled so much, it's another twenty minutes before you can get on the road. and then there's the perils of the drive. and although i do constantly worry about a car wreck while he's in tow, this isn't what i mean in this particular case. i am referring to the 50/50 (or more honestly 70/30) chance of his ending up in a screaming fit in his carseat. and trying to drive any length with a breastfed baby is a task one does not undertake without much ambition. i have a pump, which helps, but still is not the immediate gratification of being able to just pick him up and nurse him. if i choose the latter, it involves pulling the car over to a safe area, getting him back out of the carseat, nursing him, trying to get him to burp relatively quickly, and then the inevitable diaper change, followed by getting him buckled back in and settled, before attempting to pull back out into traffic. and if i choose the former and pump a bottle for him, my nerves must endure a 10-15 minute extended period of screaming and crying until the bottle is ready. goodness. i am getting anxious just talking about it! i mean, there are the blessed times when he is in the perfect balance between awake and getting sleepy where he is actually lulled to sleep by the vibration of the vehicle... but these times are few and far between. i'm almost always praying silently for these occasions when i decide to risk travelling, but what i would really prefer is if people would just come visit him instead of vice versa. hearing my baby crying in the car just works in such on my heart and my nerves that by the time we get wherever we are going, i am exhausted and attempting to fake a good mood. surely everyone who has ever had children can at least understand what this is like, and even if their children just so happened to be angels who loved car rides, they could imagine what it would have been like if they didn't.

my life is entirely revolving around the needs of my child right now. maybe when he is old enough to understand the reasons behind the things we do, this will change. i won't be a mother who gets walked all over by an unruly child, but while he is so young and simply doesn't understand the means to an end that is involved in being strapped down in his car seat for an hour, i will make concessions for him. after all, he is unspoilable until around 9 months of age anyway. right now all he knows is that by crying he is communicating his discomfort to me. but it breaks my heart to hear it. i really do wish he got to see more of his family more regularly. my grandmother and grandfather make occasional trips to see him, but my great-grandparents are really a little too old for so much driving. about once a month or so we brave the trip to london where most of my mom's family lives, but it takes so much out of him. he is so used to being comfortable at home, taking naps without distraction, and eating at whatever frequency he wants. he isn't used to being passed hand to hand and back around again without getting time to himself playing on his mat or in his exersaucer. by the time i get him home that night, he's too exhausted to settle into his nighttime routine, fussy, and i know i will be getting up every few hours.

and the bedtime routine is just settling back down after yet another change. he went through a period where he wanted to stay up very late and then had to be walked to sleep. but now he has settled back into his 9ish bedtime after having a long and relaxing bath and playing a bit before i thaw him a bottle which he goes to sleep eating. i usually give him a bottle at night for a couple of reasons. it is still breastmilk, but i like to know he is taking a full 5-6oz before he goes to bed. also, most nights he is tired and fusses when i try to breastfeed him. bottles are easier, and it doesn't affect his nursing habits to have an occasional bottle like it does for some babies. but i still far prefer to nurse him. there is something about the connection we share and the bond we are building as mother and son when we are that closely connected. i like being the provider of his nutrients and watching him grow healthy on my careful diet. i like mastering the continuing challenges of breastfeeding as well. my favorite part is the physical relaxtion that my body self-induces when i feed my son. apparently it stimulates the release of a chemical that allows a mother to mellow out and be able to focus on her child. i know this happens for me. jude and i have perfected our art in such a way that we can both lay down, curled into each other, and usually end up napping face to face. it's such a sweet experience and i want to be able to do this for as long as possible. i told my grandmother 12 months and she smirked and said more like 18, haha. well, time will tell, and we will know when we are ready to move on to formula.

i simply feel such an overwhelming love for my little son that it's tough to describe it in words. it's a love that fills me to my very essence, that stirs all the energy that is my being, and could extinguish the flame of my soul with a simple breath. it's a private love in a world that i share only with him, our beautiful masterpiece that we perfect every day. when intruded upon, i feel as though a hole has been cut right through my center leaving me vulnerable and exposed for everyone to see. when he is not in my arms or in my sight i am possessed by an overwhelming longing, a physically painful need, for his warm little body as though we are still connected by the cord that was severed at his birth. he is a bodily representation of the love i share with the man that is his father, his sweet daddy that he loves oh so well. he connects us now and forever, no matter what the future brings, and solidifies a love that was dreamed up by an artist creator. he is ours, and he is mine, simultaneously. he is from a sacred place that people of our world do not have the breath to name. he is jude.

chatterbox.

this week i've seen a crazy increase in how much my little jude is "talking". he gurgles, squeals, and makes a wider assortment of sounds than he ever has. and if i ever thought he was vocal before now, i was totally wrong. unless he is tired he is constantly jabbering. it's adorable and amazing how quickly these things change! he is a little shy in a crowded room or around people he doesn't see often, but usually he warms right up after awhile.

like i said, this is a new development, and strange since he was starting to get more quiet in the week prior to this. i contributed it to his gums aching from teething, but i guess you never know. babies go through lots of stages as they grow and develop. and i'm really starting to see his preferences changing, or i guess really actually becoming more specific. if you hold a couple different things in front of him, he will reach for the one that piques his interest the most. tonight in the bathtub, for instance, he chose a clear plastic cup over a bright red foam letter. he likes to hold cylindrical objects like cups and bottles, i've noticed. he held his bottle for more than a couple of seconds for the first time when my aunt was feeding him the other day. and he will reach for my mom's water bottle as if he knows what to do with it.

he is also beginning to show preferences for people, which i have been waiting for. sometimes he will get fussy until i take him, which i think is one of the best feelings in the world. and for awhile now he has watched me to see where i am when someone else is holding him. and even though zachary works all day and even sometimes has practice and doesn't get home until after he already asleep, he knows his daddy and loves him oh so well. he watches zach when he is sleeping next to us in the morning and when he hears his voice he turns to look for him and smiles. and of course because he spends a considerable amount of time with mom, i can tell she is his favorite person to "talk" to, probably even over me. he squeals the loudest and talks the most when he sees her talking to him. he's a very loveable little fella.

he still really enjoys his play mats, and when i have something i'm doing or if i'm exhausted i can lay him on one, turn on the music, and watch him have a blast. not sure if i've mentioned this, but just so i can remember this in the years to come i'll talk about it again... his favorite mat is probably his baby einstein because it has a sunshine that plays music and lights up. if i put him on this mat, he seriously looks up first to that sun and smiles a gigantic smile. but i think he prefers the stuffed animals hanging from his tinylove playmat because he talks more to them. the einstein mat is bright, primary colors and the tinylove mat is more tropical colors. he is still very visually stimulated, while he likes music and toys that are noisy, he has yet to try and purposefully shake a rattle because of the sound it makes. he's very much in his oral phase still, tasting everything rather than looking at it or listening to it. most of this, though, i attribute to his teething pains.

and as for teething, i'm nearly positive he's got one on the way, though probably in the very early stages. i look around when he's got his mouth wide and sometimes use a washcloth to pry his lips open or feel and there is still no tooth bud or hard spots. everyone wants me to feel around all the time, but they can simply find some patience. i really don't understand the need of anyone to put their fingers in my baby's mouth, even if it is to feel for teeth. the teeth are going to come in at the same pace regardless of whether or not you know they are there, aren't they. ugh. it's aggravating really. the ONLY time i put my finger in his mouth is to apply orajel before bedtime and only after i've washed and washed and scrubbed my hands and fingernails (which i've cut as short as possible).

the teething sensations are what have been disrupting his sleep, too. at least i'm pretty sure. supposedly night-waking is a symptom of teething. he usually wakes crying (most of the time a single cry) about an hour to two hours after he falls asleep and sometimes in the early morning after he gets in bed with me. but unlike when he needs a night feeding, he is easily jiggled back to sleep by the vibration of his pack-n-play. he's been sleeping from about 9-5 or 6 lately which is much nicer than 4, but either way is fine with me. he's learning to get himself back to sleep and sometimes i'll even let him lay awake in bed with me and talk himself (and me) back to sleep without getting up to walk him or anything. his naps have been more erradic since teething, as well, which makes it even harder to plan visits, errands, feeding times, etc. sometimes he sleeps for 3-4 a couple of times with a few scattered 20-30 minute naps. other times he sleeps once for 2-4 hours with or without scattered, shorter naps. and then there are the really hard days where he barely naps at all for longer than an hour.

breastfeeding is still going strong and i have no plans to discontinue, but it is getting tougher with the crazy nap schedules. i find myself pumping more often than i've ever had to for fear of losing my milk supply. it may just be because i had gotten lazy with the pumping, or because i was thawing bottles for him when he was fussy during a feeding, but it seems like my supply is getting a little lower. i am pumping more often this week, like i said, so it could just be that this is the normal amount i have at each feeding time and those 6-8oz bottles i was getting from each side were due to not pumping every two hours and instead stretching it out to 4 or more. either way, i'm trying to keep up a more regular schedule with nursing and pumping to ensure my supply stays ample throughout the next several months. i think i'll die if i have to switch to formula.

let's see... what else?

well, we have started letting him have some tummy time in the bathtub, which he loves. he's gotten so strong. he's able to do push ups and get his entire chest and most of his upper belly up off the ground which is cool considering he could only lift his shoulders for the longest time. he is also able to lift his chest without his arms by arching his back and this also lifts his legs and feet. rather cute. and he is still wanting to stand as opposed to laying on either his back or belly. he likes to try and sit up, and can sit for about a second or two before tipping over, but he is trying hard to be a big boy! as of oct. 27 he officially switched to size 3diapers though he wore them at night for about a week before that. it's insane how fast he is growing and gaining weight!

we don't go to the doc until nov. 12th, but i measured him at nearly 28 inches and on mom's scale he weighed about 19lbs. we will have official measurements next week. i'll update then. :)