ten whole hours.

ten whole hours... that's how long mr.jude slept twice in a row this past week! it was simultaneously amazing and terrifying. waking up at five in the morning and realizing jude hasn't stirred: scary. my mind immediately jumps to worst possible scenario; sometime in my deep slumber my baby has stopped breathing and is now going to be blue and cold. morbid, i know. but this is part of my motherhood psychosis. in reality, however, my baby is sleeping soundly, probably dreaming of a giant breast with endlessly flowing milk. so i relax, and try to go back to sleep but now wake up every thirty minutes to make sure he is still ok. yeah, i'm usually this crazy, don't worry. but on the bright side, my son is trying to learn to sleep through the night. too bad his version of sleeping through the night is 7:30pm-4:30am. but it's alright, we will sync our schedules sometime, hopefully before his tenth birthday...

and he still hasn't rolled over anymore. but that's ok, too. i read a few articles and some babies just don't feel a need to. generally ones that are held a lot. so this past week we have had an increased amount of tummy time, which usually ends when he buries his face repeatedly into the blanket and tries to nurse it. what can i say? i'm raising a healthy eater! haha. i actually stepped on the scale with him and it said he is nearly twenty pounds, but we will see the accuracy of that when we go for his four month check-up in a couple of weeks. all i know is that he has almost completely outgrown all of his 3-6month clothes and is fitting 6-12months quite comfortably.

i was actually able to put him in his bear suit a few times lately, which is very cute. it's supposed to be sized 12 months but it came from mini-boden which is a british company and their clothes all seem a little smaller than the GAP or Old Navy. he's also ooutgrown most of his shoes, which is sad because he didn't get to wear a lot of them. he has some fat little feets! mom and kevin just got back from TN and brought him some merill's and a pair of nike's. adorable. he even worse his new balances the other day and they are a size 2.

still, for being as big as he is, i think he is extremely well-proportioned. his head isn't too big or too small and everything seems pretty symmetrical to me. he's quite lovely in photographs. :)

it's so weird how much having a child of your own changes your long-standing views on the silliest things. we all said we wouldn't turn into our parents, but i have found it's impossible. even helping raise siblings or younger cousins, or spending a lot of time with the babies of close friends doesn't prepare you for the psychotic break you undergo when it's your very own heart beating out there in front of you. you simply want everything to be perfect. all the time. and you quickly learn how impossible that also is, but it sure doesn't keep you from trying. i said at least a million times that i wouldn't be one of those germaphobe mommies chasing my kids around with antibacterial wipes, but sure enough... that will probably be me. i won't even put my fingers in his mouth to feel for teeth for fear that something under my nails will make him sick. but i don't really consider that too outlandish. i mean, he is only four months old... his immune system just isn't ready for the creepy crawlies we accumulate on our person everyday from the outside world. i'll wait until he is old enough to pick up the germs for himself.

older generations may not understand my feelings on the subject of germs, but let's face it, our world is just a little dirtier than it was 20 or 40 years ago. sorry, nanny! haha. and for all those trying to convince me that they fed their kids table scraps from the time they were infants... our table scraps are now over-processed, hormone-injected, pesticide sprayed, and preservative filled garbage. and jude is not having any part of it. little girls are hitting puberty younger and younger because of the hormones now found in meats and cow's milk. it's frightening. my OB/GYN (whom i look up to very, very much for her wonderful, although a little abstract, parenting skills) recommended breastfeeding for a year and beyond as the major source of nutrients. she says their digestive tracts aren't able to handle much else until at least about 6 months of age and then they don't need that much supplementation. she uses her food processor to puree organic fruits and veggies for her daughter and only resorts to the canned variety when on the go. and i feel very strongly about sticking to her advice.

even if everyone can't agree with me, that's alright. i don't look down on anyone else for the decisions they make for their kids. jude is mine and zachary's, and only ours. no one has the right to make decisions for him except us, no matter their intentions. i have educated myself to the best of my abilities about anything i come across dealing with babies, and this falls next to my own experiences and intuition about what is right for my son. and i am satisfied and happy with those decisions.

and as far as development goes, he's stll chugging right along with the average, nothing too exceptional or too delayed. he's still very vocal and loves to be talked to, but i had to completely cut him off of the tv because he was becoming too interested in it and not interacting. the American Association of Pediatrics recommends no television for children under the age of two and i have to say i agree. he just completely becomes a vegetable when he spots the television screen. at first i thought, well that should be ok because his little brain is studying the lights and sounds, but after doing a lot of research i found that it can have harmful effects instead. it can contribute to ADD/ADHD because of the overstimulation it causes with the constant changing sounds and lights and can create developmental delays in social skills because they are focusing all of their attention on an inanimate object instead of spending time socializing with adults (which teaches them the beginnings of language and conversation at this very critical age). what's more, they are spending less time exploring their surroundings and handling objects, which is supremely important in their understanding of the world around them. so, i'm convinced. no tv for jude. at least not now. maybe we will introduce some educational videos when he can actually understand a little bit, but for now it's the all mommy and daddy network.