of course i should be doing homework...

so i should be finishing my last essays of the semester, or at least watching/listening to the documentaries i am writing them on... but instead i am drawn to the internet like a moth to a flame. i think a lot of it has to do with the fact that, as a mother, i spend each day (all day long until around 9pm) constantly taking care of my child. my poor brain seeks refuge from all the thoughts, ideas, worries, etc in the vast ocean of entertainment known as the interwebz. it is so ridiculously EASY to waste away entire HOURS doing nothing but googling. for instance, i might begin by googling song lyrics only to find myself "bargain" shopping two whole hours later. it's so strange to realize that the very same train of thought i might have while trying to fall asleep (you know, you start thinking of one thing only to have that lead to this and this lead to that before you forget what on earth you were contemplating to begin with) also occurs externally in my lap on a computer screen. when did i let my brain become a 13" macbook pro?! exactly. while the information available online simply can't be beat, the endless amount of distractions one is subject to encounter during a browsing session really, really detracts from the initial usefulness. if we spent a fraction of the time that we waste surfing the web devoting ourselves, instead, to creative or academic interests... well, the possibilities are endless. and if we spent it in solitude and silence, just think how much less chaotic our lives would feel. what if we spent that hour a day in prayer or praising the Divine power of the creator/initiator of all of this madness? how connected to the universe would you be?! i mean, hell, you'd practically be an avatar, right?! but seriously, mother nature needs to be more in sync with us than the information superhighway. just think about it...

now, after all this banter, i will probably continue searching for distractions well into the wee hours of the morning before falling asleep in just enough time to be in a comatose state by the time jude wakes up, thereby ruining my entire day tomorrow with the need for a nap that i'm sure won't happen. for the past few days jude has decided that he no longer wants to nap from 10am-1pm... just my luck... i am finally nearly finished with school and now that i would actually be able to enjoy these three-hour naps with him, the opportunity is no longer available... hopefully he will get back on schedule soon. i think he might be cutting more teeth, honestly. he's been waking up and keeping me up in the middle of the night (which he has never done) or else sort of waking up but mainly just crying with his eyes shut as though he were asleep when he's really somewhere inbetween. i feel sorry for the poor little thing, but part of me really just needs sleep. something's got to give... and it will probably end up being me. if you're looking for me, i'll be the bawling mess in the floor with my ten month old at 4:30am...