inspire.

maybe it's because this weekend is easter... maybe it's because the Lord really, really got to me when i first found him... maybe it's because it all really IS the truth... or maybe it's some other reason on my long list... but tonight i find myself thinking of how i haven't given the Divine One the glory he deserves for blessing me with the sweetest little child i've ever laid eyes on. i realize i am so terrified of walking with Jesus because i don't want to be like nearly everyone else i know who does. i don't want jude growing up thinking that if he doesn't go to church or confess certain things that he is going to hell. i want him to feel the freedom to find his own way. i do want him to know that the bible is full of sweet, loving words of comfort and inspiration. but i want him to believe in what it is that speaks to HIM. i don't want him to grow up in one church all of his life... not that there is anything wrong with that... but i just want him to be an accepting person. more than anything else, i just want him to know Love. i just want him to figure it out on his own terms.

so, with that said, i will say now that i have really and truly found Love. i have seen it in many forms and fashions, felt it at both the most and the least opportune moments, and heard it's voice through many lips. sometimes it's apparent at a sidelong glance, other times i've had to delve deep within to draw it out, but it's always there. i find the Divine in an astonishingly green blade of spring grass, in the laugh of my son, and in the least likely of miniscule places. we breathe it in our air and feel it in the warmth of the sun. what we name it is up to us. i don't look down on anyone for how they choose to express it; i haven't that right. and neither do you. we should all just learn to love and appreciate that we are able to do so.

some force out there is holier than us... the details are as unique as each person who figures that out.




and now for some pictures of the past week...









































so, we have a second word... maybe... "mama"!!! i say maybe because the first time he has successfully said it was tonight and we were in the dark trying to go to sleep so i'm not sure if he was saying it to me or just babbling. "up" and "mama"... excellent first words. he says "up" ALL THE TIME now. unless he's in a strange environment of course. but otherwise everything has been "up" all week.

oh and he's tried a few more things this week. graham bunnies and organic apple juice. i introduced them on the same day because i figured since he's already had apples that he couldn't be allergic to an organic form of their juice. plus i needed something to soak the graham crackers in to soften them. he liked them ok. he HATED the apple juice. i even tasted it thinking it might be sour due to lack of added sugar, but no, it tastes just like mott's to me. he made a terrible face everytime he took a sip and eventually stopped sipping altogether. i'm going to keep trying though. and then later in the week i gave him some organic oat "o's." cheerios, basically. but because i haven't given him wheat yet i decided to try the ones made of oats. he LOVES these. i break them in half and scatter them on his high chair tray and he goes to town. he's almost got the pincher grasp down now. today at the park he even pinchered some mango and pear bits. he's started chewing, too. yay! i'm so happy to experiment more with finger foods! and even happier that he can finally really pick them up and feed himself now.

in other news, he's still sleeping like a newborn... waking up every few hours for food and comfort. but it's ok. i just keep telling myself it's a phase. he just likes to know that i'm there, which is why he protests the crib. who wouldn't want to sleep snuggled up to their mommy with their fingers intertwined in her hair? i mean, really. that's security. and when i'm not thinking of how exhausted i am, it's a pretty gratifying feeling.

well, what else? ... we've been playing outside like everyday this week! the weather's been gorgeous! and he really REALLY likes being outside. he gets all excited and bounces on my hip when we walk out the door. sweet thing.

that's about all for now. i'm pretty sure there are other things that have made me say "wow" this week, but i need sleep.